Light inside the Insane days

I sit here by myself in a barely habitable dump. Thankfully the others are still asleep. I just had my coffee, cigar and pizza for breakfast.

A man came with a bag of lemons when I was drinking in peace. He wanted one euro or one of us to buy him a coffee in return. I notice very clearly how most people only distract me and unconsciously pull me into their nightmare. .

Yesterday I made a good base for a little cave-bunker-type-room. It’s coming together quite nicely. My main motivation is to make it possible to be alone. There’s so much noise and too many people everywhere in Catania.

I imagine it must have been a beautiful village long ago. A few minutes ago, while writing this, the asshole that woke me up last night to ask for a lighter, so he can sleep, woke up. He sits one meter away from me. I hope he leaves me alone.

Two days ago he told me we are going to get some hash. He makes a lot of money in the streets, and all I wished for was a good, big joint. I tried to make money in the streets. I made my space and sat down to make art. I enjoyed it, and like I thought: I didn’t make any money.

I don’t want, nor do I need money. I wanted a joint, and since it’s very problematic to grow here, money is the only way to get it. The same night I found five euros, so I was happy to go for hash with Sasha, the asshole who sits besides me.

I told him I found the five euros so I can pay half of the hashes, instead of him paying for everything.
Long story short, no joint, because, as he said: It is too expensive.

Now he is drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette…The first of about 10 beers he drinks a day, which is like triple the amount it costs to buy a bit of hash. But ok, it’s his life. I don’t give him anything anymore and I don’t ask for anything anymore.
Even a bit of battery for my phone is too much to ask.

…Today I might continue to built my little hermit shack…

Last night before I went to sleep, I listened to the work of Rudolf Steiner. He knows a lot about the heavenly bodies from whence we once descended. His words resonate very deeply with my soul. I know he speaks the truth about the spiritual world and the science of the earth and the skye. Listening to his voice and words saturated with understanding and filled with truth and knowledge helps me to get through these long and lonesome days.

I wish to meet my master. A giant next to me, who will show me what he knows. That will be magical, good and propelling. I am a bit stuck here in this crazy town. I had many visions, crystal clear and filled with wisdom. When I arrived here I was still connected for some days, but now I lost it.

That’s why I wanted to smoke a big joint. DMT or Changa could be good to. I prefer to do t without the help of substances like I did a few times before, but it takes so much time and effort. I feel that without these spiritual tools I might never pass through the many spheres of existence.

After my royal breakfast, I went to sit in the sun to be alone and play guitar. Not even 5 minutes later, Sascha comes to sit next to me, asking for my attention, like nearly everyone here every day; even the 6 dogs…

…I didn’t want to tell him that I wanted to be alone, because it was extremely obvious and it is impossible to retreat here anyway…

Tough days.
I strive to keep living according to universal values, mindfulness, truth, curiosity, courage, patience, discernment, love and freedom.

I pray for a home. A little room will do. I wish for a master. That will be good.

Now I go again..
Embrace the chaos.
Enter death.
And shine my little light.

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