Someone told me a secret about this lifestyle. He said, ‘when you have the rock & roll, the sex and drugs come for free…’
There was a time in which I was embodying the archetype of the rockstar in ways I could’t even dream of. And I can say that ‘this’ is very true. People seem to look up to a person who doesn’t care about the little things, goes out of his mind in style and means well…
It’s hard to feel it again now I am writing about it. Let me give you the context first, so you can imagine yourself in the middle of the story.
At the time I lived in the south of Spain, in a magical city called Granada. My friends and I lived in cave-houses in the mountains near the city, recycled food and made money performing in the streets. It was by far the best and most dreamlike period of my life. We lived out of time, which came naturally with the freedom we found. Night and day became the same. The only responsability I had was to make sure to eat, go to the river or waterfal to wash myself and sleep a few hours here and there.
I mostly focussed on having fun and making music. People started recognizing me in the streets. I guess the African guys who sell plastic sneakers, sunglasses and umbrellas cought up to my crazy tribal drumming in the streets. They greeted me all of a sudden. At first I had no idea what was going on. One day we performed in the middle of a well known plaza (see the picture above) and we got so much attention that I didn’t know whether I loved it or hated it. For sure I enjoyed the feeling of playing in front of a big crowd. One of us played guitar in combination with stroking the strings with a stick to create violin like melodies. Another guy played djembe and didgeridoo at the same time. I was drumming on buckets, pots and pans using sticks. It sure was an amazing sight. All three of us had no expectations. We never even played together. Somehow everything clicked and before I knew it a crowd gathered around us. People were filming, dancing and going crazy. We made around 30 euro’s in this 10 minute jam session. Afterwards people came to us, asking how long we’ve been playing together. One guy assumed I was a professional musician for a long time…To be honest, I just wanted to get out of there and fly some more.
I always wanted this confidence and freedom to express myself. Like many rockstars often I’m the silent guy in the background, but when I enter known territory another side comes out.
It became a challenge to get higher and higher, better and better, more and more… Without drugs and the high I got from beautiful girls and this power flowing through my body it seemed impossible to stay up in the clouds. Somewhere I knew I needed to crashland on planet earth soon, before it was too late.
One lesson I learned is that pure power is never yours. It exists on its own. It can crush you, as well as give you wings to fly. It slowly consumed me, because I thought it was mine and I believed that I earned it.
Even if it’s yours, when you don’t take responsability, it can act autonomously without your permission. Sleepless nights, feeling restless and not being aware of the important things are all signs of being under the spell of power.
These elements make up the archetype of the rockstar. The sex and drugs are merely byproducts. In my case my rockstar persona depended on the environmont, the people around me and the free and easy lifestyle. It was a truly magical ride. We shared a dream. Greatness depends on the amount of people believing someone is great. Nobody is a rockstar alone. It is a kind of entity that’s created by many people believing in a myth they link to a person that is then called a rockstar. One wrong move, and it’s all gone. One right move and you’ll feel richer than ever before.
Everything you think you want is yours, only to realize you remained the same. That is if you still know who you are…You’ve got to remember your values to keep the story alive.
In the end I ended up having a psychotic breakdown. That’s another story that followed the best time of my life. The universe has a funny way of balancing things…